So you may or may not have noticed my absence from writing. Either way, I get it, everyone is a Blogger, and everyone is a Podcaster now. Every single major star that is bored for one second this last year or so has taken up a new hobby. For them it is a hobby, for me it is what I do. How I am attempting to pay my bills and earn my way thru life.
Actors, Singers, Bloggers…
I mean, not everyone can make millions doing a movie. Or a tv show or singing a bad song (or a good one, lol). But damn it, show me the money and I will give it my best shot. Life with a personal trainer, a stylist, etc., who wouldn’t like that?
Oh yes, let’s complain about the paparazzi, shall we? First when stars are new all they do is chase the paparazzi and try and get their face known. Then when they get what they want, a majority of them spend the rest of their career running away from them. Such trauma that they brought on themselves. Kind of ironic in my opinion.
It’s just Trauma, Move on Already!
However, I digress, that is not even what I am writing about. I am writing about how difficult it can be to move on. To move past and heal from something traumatic in your life. Others simply may not see it that way, even if they went through it with you. Each person as their own version of every event. Whether it is a singular or shared event, it is still felt alone in our soul, for the most part.
Nope, not Covid…
I have had several of these events in my life. And I bet by now some of you are thinking that “oh great, someone is talking or writing about the pandemic and covid and vaccines’ again”. Let me stop you right there. Nope I am not talking about or writing if you will, about any of that.
My first traumatic event happened to me as a child when I was hit by a car. The car front tire hit my head, yay me! Talk about being hit, I guess I was pinned under the car. Then my Dad (may he R.I.P.) with help from a neighbor’s early twenty-something son; got the car off of me and me out from under it. Effectively saving my life.
Your Brain Protects you from Trauma
I remember bits and pieces after the accident, odd little things that only a child’s mind would remember. Words my Mother (may she R.I.P.) said a bit later on. A coin bank some favorite cousins brought me in the hospital. The feeling of the stitches working their way out of my scalp. How I was embarrassed by being shaved bald and wearing a wig. A neighbor who helped with my physical therapy. I remember being told she recommended musical instruments to my Mom as a way to get my left hand moving again. I had left side issues. Like I said, little kid things.
Physical or Mental Trauma?
Trauma is not always physical; I remember being in the Army when my Maternal Grandfather passed away. A middle of the night phone call when I woke up just before the phone rang. I knew who was going to be on it and what they were going to say. Grandpa was the first real death for me, my Paternal Great-Grandfather had passed away a few years before. However I was not as close to him.
So we fast forward through life, all of my grandparents passing away, Aunts & Uncles, too. My Mother passing away first, then I was in another major accident. I was hit head on by another truck and proud owner of my second TBI. Then my niece passes away, then my sister and my Dad. It kind of makes you feel like you have been mule-kicked by the meanest mule in the corral.
Put the Broom Away…
Some people just sweep it under the carpet. And even a week or two later act as if nothing ever happened. Other people do not understand why you do not want to drag it out and talk it to death (no pun intended) with them. For someone like me, I do not like sharing every little detail of every little aspect, yet I can write about it.
So there we are, after all of these events. And it is now over a year since my Dad passed away. There have been other bumps over the years, one brother having a severe heart-attack, another being hit by a car while on his motorcycle. I am lucky that they are both still with me.
Heal in Your Own Time
Sometimes even talking with a psychologist or psychiatrist does not help. At times you just need to be alone with your own brain, your own thoughts your own emotions. Until you heal in your time. Some people will one hundred percent get this; others will be offended by it. Mostly psychologists and nosy people I believe will be.
I have a Point…
The main point that I am attempting to get across is that even though people seem to consistently say things like “it will get better with time”. Or you can talk to me if you want or maybe you should go to counseling. Which the last is my current favorite. My point is, that unless you are so depressed that you are at the point of self-harm, take time to heal in your own time.
Count your Blessings as Well
I did go to the doctor and have him put me on a mild anti-depressant. However, I knew that I needed something to help me because when my father passed away, I felt like my world collapsed. He was the last person in my family that I spoke to on a daily basis. I do talk with my brothers regularly and know that I am blessed by that fact.
But I also know that they have busy lives, children, grandchildren, spouses’ etc. and I do not. I do have my boyfriend and his adult children. His grandchildren that I love dearly, tho they are across the country from me and will never know me as “Grandma”.
Healing in My Own Way
So, I write, I heal, I contemplate where life has brought me and how I miss my family. I clean and cook, which I honestly enjoy both, cooking and baking is a bit of a passion for me. But when I cook, I hear my parents in my head. I picture my grandmothers’ kitchen where I learned to cook eggs. Which always makes me sad, because I was not able to have kids. Or pass that knowledge down like I would have loved to.
Don’t let Trauma or Nosy People Win
But I digress. When you are attempting to heal from a traumatic event, whether it is death, illness, injury, rape, robbery, an accident, a divorce, bankruptcy, whatever it is. Don’t let the world dictate your method of healing as long as you are not causing self-harm and are legal.
Healing Will Happen, I Promise
Healing will come to you in the strangest ways. For me it is in caring for loved ones, our animals, or plants, riding a motorcycle, taking a cross country drive, and writing. But it is not in bending the ear on demand of some psychologist.